anyway you want to, anyway you’ve got to, love love me

Last week, my mother told me that she’s sad to see me the way I am sometimes. When you were in college, she said, you acted like you could take over the world, and you were overflowing with confidence and cheerfulness. I miss that person, she said.

I am the world’s leader in self-pity and pointless stress. I am 25 years old, unemployed, living with my father, and in a relationship that I fear my family members will never be able to wrap their heads around. I constantly wish I were like other people: in their jobs, in their love lives, in their equations with their family.

I am going to attempt to look at this objectively, as a third party would.

So what’s she like?

Well, she’s smart and fairly entertaining and funny. She’s good with people and fun to hang out with. She reads a lot and she loves music. She’s got several phenomenal people as close friends, so she must be doing something right.

Where does she work?

Well, she used to work for The Hindu for a couple of years, before she moved to the Pearson publishing house for a year. She quit that too, and she’s currently looking for something to do. It’s bad timing, considering the lack of jobs right now for journalists, but last I heard, she’s freelancing for a leading television channel, so hopefully that will go somewhere. She’s super lucky she got that.

What’s her love life like?

As far as I know, she’s dated four people. Two of them were absolute turds — I have no idea what she was thinking — but she’s currently dating an incredibly sweet, smart, and funny guy in Madras. He loves her to pieces, and they seem pretty damn happy. He’s from a different background though, and she’s very worried about how her parents will take it, but I’m sure they’ll work things out.

Awful parents then?

Well, no. Her mum is amazing, and she’s got an enviable equation with her. Her dad is fairly conservative, but he’s very sweet and adores her. Her older sister is in Argentina [insert OOOHS here], and they’re pretty close too.

So she lives with the boyfriend?

No, she lives with her dad and grandmother, since her mum works in another city. I think she finds it fairly difficult, since both father and grandmother are quite conservative and demanding, but she works around it. Also, she doesn’t have to pay rent and she gets home food! [Editor’s Note: Does this argument appeal to anyone who lives at home? Because it drives me to drink.]

Moral of the story?

I need to stop drowning in self-pity.

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This isn’t some exercise is narcissism, since I think I’m the least narcissistic person I know. The moral of the story is that I have to stop hating on myself and things that I can’t control. Dear Prudence, who is my mentor and guide, always tells people who write in that they have it better off than people in Syria and Sudan so they should feel better and stop whining. This is one point I disagree with, because human nature doesn’t really work that way. Our problems are our problems, and they aren’t comparable. But if this helps me become a little less unhappy and a little more content, then I’m happy.

Because when you look at the bigger picture, I actually am.

title source: love today by mika